What to say about bourbon? If you’ve read this, this, this or this in the past four and a half years I’ve been writing, you know it’s pretty much a second form of blood for me. Hell, my book’s an all but thinly veiled love letter to the stuff. In a world where most of our days are spent pretending we’re nothing like we actually are, bourbon’s a form of truth serum – a bullet train back to the Self:
Scotch will make you charming, vodka’s liquid Percocet, and beer a fount of oafish non-sequiturs and flatulence. Red wine will put you to bed, white’s piss, and tequila’s vomit fuel. But bourbon, well, bourbon is the cocaine of alcohol, amplifying every aggressive angle of your personality and dragging all the rotten suppressed thoughts to the surface. Your judgment isn’t compromised – it’s bloodied with brass knuckles, curbed and left on a sewer grate for dead. You’ve nothing but a mindful of terrible ideas – equal parts dumb, dangerous and malicious – and twice the energy you need to act on every single one of them. Simply, concisely, a bourbon drunk’s what you’d be in the jungle. And it’s simple fact to anyone who knows the stuff – you’re more who you are on bourbon than you’ll ever appear sober. Bourbon is liberation, but only for those willing to embrace their inner baboon.
Happy Hour is for Amateurs, pp. 198-199.
I’d like to think that nails the subject in full. Sums up what any serious bourbon drinker understands about the whiskey – what sets it a breed apart from any other form of liquor.* But enough of that introduction. Here’s the meat of this piece, the five best bourbons I know:
Don’t let anyone tell you Wild Turkey is rotgut drunkard whiskey. This is as smooth as bourbon comes, deceptively easy to swill, with a deep caramel finish typically found in rum. But this is no bottle of Mount Gay or Captain Morgan’s… Not the kind of liquor some sorority pledge mixes with Diet Coke, guzzles on an empty stomach and vomits all over your coffee table. The 101 is Fuel – a belligerent, obnoxious drunk. The stuff’s clearly loaded with sugar and you can feel the glucose rush, mixing with and amplifying all of your “ethanol muscles.” Perhaps it’s that quick, cheap energy that gives the bourbon such a uniquely aggressive buzz. Or maybe it’s just the bottle. Fancy bourbons tend to come in fancy bottles – ovoid, square, hexagonal, with all kinds of etchings and carvings in the glass. Turkey’s in a classic round whiskey bottle. The kind William Munny threw from his horse in the thunderstorm before he assassinated a roomful of vigilantes and sprayed Little Bill’s brains all over the barroom floor in Unforgiven. The kind made not for pouring, but swigging from as though it held water. It’s comfortable in your hand, almost too much so, taunting you to take another pull. Come on… Hit me again, candy-ass. Like you actually have a sack. I’m obviously not one for those “Enjoy Responsibly” messages tacked onto liquor ads, but I’ll offer this about Turkey 101: Careful, you’re playing with highly unstable ammunition.
Recommended for: Sabbath concert tailgates, snowmobile rallies, adult competitive vandalism.
4. Knob Creek
If bourbon were India Pale Ale, Knob Creek would be the best of the Double IPAs. It tastes like it’s got twice the ingredients of every other bourbon and doesn’t try in the least to hide any of its 100 proof bona fides. Still, it’s not overpowering. Chocolately, syrupy, but also at the same time sharp. And though it’s only one proof unit under Turkey 101, it’s not an aggressive buzz. Not in the least. Just an excellent all around whiskey, perfect on the rocks, and the kind of flavor you’ll want to gulp and swish around the tongue. The stuff also tastes great with cigars – black maduros specifically.** A “big” whiskey in every regard, and one you don’t want to dilute with water, but savor like an after dinner drink, or fix into a neat Manhattan. At first, of course, because after three Knob Creeks, the fourth’ll taste like soda and let’s just put it this way… The next morning, you’ll feel all that “flavor” pulsating in your head.
Recommended for: Crippling yourself at steak joints and cigar bars while people talk golf, the market and the heinousness of income tax.
3. Blanton’s
This is a controversial pick. Some people think this is an overpriced bourbon trading on status as the first mass produced “single barrel” brand. They’re half right. Blanton’s is overpriced. No way in hell it’s worth $45.00 a bottle. I don’t care that it’s the favored julep bourbon of the The Derby crowd. Call me a boorish ass, but horse racing’s always struck me as a really short, really dull form of funny car racing for the country club set. And having spent more of my youth roaming around golf courses than I’d ever care to recount, I can say this of the average clubhouse boozehound: He doesn’t know liquor from lacquer, let alone good from bad bourbon. You could feed half the drunks at a horse race Old Crow with a splash of Scope and they’d never be the wiser. But all that said – the silly metal horse on the top of the bottle and contrived pretense aside – Blanton’s is great fucking whiskey. It’s sweet and perfect deep burgundy. Not as dark as Knob Creek, but heavier than Maker’s Mark, with just a hint of tanginess to counter its sugary side. The distillers could’ve taken a few more chances and made Blanton’s more distinctive, but I don’t think that was their aim. I think their intent was simple – take a standard, tried and true recipe and execute it perfectly. Which they’ve done.
I must confess, however, I’ve a soft spot for this whiskey. I was drinking Blanton’s the morning I got married, and the taste takes me right back there. That was a damn good month. If there’s a feeling in this world better than getting on plane after your wedding and leaving all the irritants of the shit existence we call “office life” behind, I’ve yet to know it.
Recommended for: A flask in your tuxedo. (It’s terrible luck – and terrible form – to get yourself hitched stone sober. Don’t feel guilty. She’ll be on third champagne at that point. It’s all fair.)
2. Baker’s
Not to be confused with Booker’s, the raw, 127 proof bourbon sold in a wooden casing, Bakers is the much harder to find 107 proof variety of Jim Beam Distilleries’ “Small Batch” line. Harder to find, probably, because this is an amazing goddamned bourbon, better than the rest of Beam’s brands by a long measure. If Turkey 101 is the smooth bourbon with the aggressive buzz, Baker’s is the aggressive bourbon with the smooth, slow buzz. Why? Because there’s no good reason to drink anything that tastes this amazing fast, and considering the way the spicy, oaky flavors from the barrel jump out and bite your tongue, there’s no reason you’d never want to. This is a bourbon to leisurely sip, as close as you can to neat – the $30.00 bottle that tastes as good as, if not better, than anything else out there… the one you hide in the corner of the liquor cabinet, never to be wasted on guests. Or on yourself. Drink three of these up front at most, then shift to something cheaper.
Recommended for: Nightcaps after long days at the office, when you need a fast, tasty “bullet in the head” knockout and don’t have any dope lying around.
Now, you might be thinking, How can he say Baker’s is the most flavorful bourbon of the bunch and then rate Woodford Reserve above it? Because intensity of flavor isn’t everything. If you like drinking bourbon the way people who really like drinking bourbon like drinking bourbon, when you drink bourbon, you want to drink a lot of it. And if you’re going to drink a lot of it, Woodford Reserve is the bourbon you want to be drinking. The taste is gingery, sharp, and light, and it never dulls the tongue. Your sixth tastes a lot like the first and the buzz is fucking divine. I don’t know what the people who make this stuff do in the distilling process, but it’s clearly filtered more, or uses a far better quality of water, than any of the other brands. Every bourbon talks about how it’s crafted from the essence of some pristine spring or creek. Woodford actually tastes like it. True or not, you get the sense you’re drinking something made in an entirely organic process. And the next day confirms its purity. Of all the liquors here, this is the easiest on the body – an almost hangover-free whiskey. The other nice thing about Woodford is it’s a fine year-round bourbon. Knob Creek, Baker’s, Turkey… these are a bit too heavy for the warmer months. A Woodford on the rocks works as well in seersucker at a summer wedding as it does on the couch, watching Detroit and Dallas embarrass themselves in the usual post-Thanksgiving rituals. Adding up all the factors a person could assess in bourbon, I can this without hesitation – you can never, ever go wrong with Woodford Reserve.
Recommended for: Brunch, breakfast, bar mitzvahs, drives through the countryside, the symphony, funerals, wakes, Ramadan, do-it yourself oil changes, patching the roof of the garage, dance marathons, Take Back the Night marches, children’s soccer games, Psoriasis Awareness Week, first holy communions, steeplechase, Spanish Civil War re-enactments, marriage counseling, kite-surfing, deep water competitive swimming, AA Meetings, cat shows, Flag Day, swinging parties, pre-teen beauty pageants, black masses, skeetshooting, marlin fishing, Lent, public executions, cliff diving, pottery classes, whale watching, moped jousting and exotic piercing preparation.
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* My assessment of the top five gins is here.
** This might be a subjective thing, as I’m not a cigar smoker, but do like maduros.
You are one fancy motherfucker! I’ve been on an Early Times kick of late. It has a lot going for it. It’s fiscally responsible, it gets you drunk as fuck and it comes in a plastic bottle so that when you hit the wall and fall over, the bottle doesn’t shatter underneath you. And it also gets you drunk as fuck. It’s a perfect compliment to the metalic taste of 8 or 10 whipits… PIZZA! PIZZA!
PL: I’ve a cousin who’s sworn by the ET for years. I believe he’s down by the river, in a van.
Thankfully, he hasn’t shot any babies. Well, none that the law knows of.
In number 4, did you mean India Pale “Ale”? Great update. Thanks.
PL: Nice catch. Thanks as always.
You mentioned Maker’s, but as much as its referenced in your work I would think it could make the list. It’s my personal favorite when I have the money. ET comes in glass bottles too. If you want to feel like your 11 dollars bought you a little more class.
PL: I reference Beam a lot as well, but for purposes of this list, I was going with what had the best taste and Maker’s Mark, though a top ten brand for certain, wasn’t a top five selection. That’s not to say it isn’t excellent bourbon. I’d never stick my nose up at MM. If the list were ten deep, it’d be seven.
Woodford Reserve is a great bourbon – and it would probably rank at 2 or 3 on my list – but Eagle Rare is second to none in my book.
PL: That one I didn’t like at all last time I had it. Don’t know what it was, but I was really pissed when I cracked a bottle of that with some friends.
In fairness, however, it might have just been one of those days where the stuff hits your tastebuds wrong, and I ought to give it another chance. Lots of people recommend ER, so its got to have something going for it I missed.
I’m going to have to disagree and say Basil Hayden’s the best of the premium Beam bourbons. Knob’s a little too thick and I kind of like that Basil’s only 80 proof so I can enjoy the taste for a bit before going face down. Either way I dig seeing two Beam entries on the list. I went to a whiskey tasting put on by Fred Noe (the great-grandson of Jim Beam) a couple of years ago in Vegas which I consider a defining life moment…
And moped jousting is a fricking hilarious visual. In Madison, by some strange twist of fate and lack of parking, seeing 300 lb college football players riding pink mopeds is a fairly regular thing. I’m now of course going to have to write my alder to see about a moped jousting ordinance to restore some kind of karmic justice in the universe.
PL: It’s the most regal of moped-related sports. Just beware of those neophytes using drivers and sand wedges. Ski poles or nothing. Keep the sport pure.
Basil Hayden’s would be No. 6. I struggled with that because I love the BH. I also loved Old Fitzgerald, but that shit’s so obscure and the bottles of that I had are no longer made, it would have been like putting Louis XIII up as a favorite cognac.*
* I’ve had this. I wish I knew a goddamn thing about cognac because people tell me it’s the best in the world. Wasted on my philistine tongue.
I need to hit the liquor store when I go home, though I don’t know where I’ll be drinking it. Most of my drunkard friends are getting ‘responsible’ thanks to their dull, unattractive girlfriends.
Of course, the booze might have had something to do with the unattractive girlfriend’s arrival…
PL: Say what you will of dowdy or ugly women, if you’re looking for ease of maintenance, you can’t go wrong with that breed. Hell, even hiring them’s a great idea. A dowdy chick’s the Volvo 240, or Checker Cab, of employees. Dependable as hell and never makes waves. You can get mad effort out of them and not a single complaint ever. Think about it. Who’s the office workhorse? The dowdy chick. It’s a thing with them.
Your friends are probably momma’s boys who want to be waited on, right? That or they’re ugly, too.
Hilarious. Granted I’m not all that familiar with brands of bourbons, but the first time I saw the name Woodford Reserve was on a gigantic banner I stole from the Kentucky Derby. Fittingly, that must have been what was in the mint juleps that inspired the act.
PL: Drink a half a bottle of vodka and boring people will become tolerable. Drink a half a bottle of bourbon and they’ll start looking like tackling dummies.
I know this, having tackled and been tackled open field style in it’s grip. There’s something in the sour mash that makes it different than anything else. And fuck the tequila drinkers who’ll claim that’s a wild buzz. I’ve gotten jacked on Taquila and found it nowhere near as potent as skullful of bourbon.
For pure “break the cage and let the ape run wild” effect, try a 101 and Red Bull. Tastes like shit, but three of those (3 parts Turkey, one part RB) will put you at a grand cruising altitude in a hurry.
PL, Your bit on Turkey 101 takes me back to a night when I saw myself for the first time – Speaking everything that I thought, doing everything I wanted, and generally being an ass, completely uninhibited and unfettered by anything even remotely resembling social decorum, a moral compass, or conscientiousness of any sort.
Horrible stuff, Turkey 101.
The level of introspection you achieve from LSD can be hellish if you aren’t comfortable with yourself. The nice thing about acid is that it wears off and within 24 hours, you’re more or less back to normal. The flux of a trip is all inside you.
Turkey does the same thing, except it’s completely external. Then, the next day or week, month, hell, even a decade later you can look back at a good Turkey drunk and think “Holy shit. I can’t believe I did/said those things.” You have the rest of your life to be uncomfortable, knowing that you remember propositioning your friend’s wife, and even worse than that, you know SHE remembers it, too.
It’s pretty amazing stuff. It’ll test you and anyone nearby, even if they aren’t drinking it.
PL: Bourbon + psychedelics is indeed a bizarre mix. Two elements of the personality, the introspective and the pathologically, obscenely extroverted, colliding head on.
I don’t trust people who won’t drink whiskey for many of the reasons you’ve cited. People who value “control” to that degree creep me out. Can’t know a person until you crack his coconut open and let all the demons out for a while.*
* Except, of course, recovering alcoholics. They obviously get a pass.
For the most part, buying middle shelf anything makes no sense to me – whatever the occasion may be I think you need to reach up or squat down in the liquor store for your selection, but my exception to this would be Elijah Craig. They could spend 20 more cents making a fancier bottle and charge the same as Single Barrel Jack or Maker’s. I highly recommend it.
PL: There are some exceptions. Jim Beam Black is a really solid mid-level brand, as is Elijah Craig. I don’t agree that EC is as good as Maker’s, as it has a really strong taste, but it’s definitely on the highest peak of middle. I think of MM as sitting in the lower rung of the top shelf brands, just behind Basil Hayden’s.
Man, you are one pretentious motherfucker! I’m glad to see the Franklinian approach to hiring women showed up in a comment at least… Definitely something that you should expand on in a full length story. C’mon dude, pull your nuts through the zipper and hang some brain on that. You know what they say… the truth hurts sometimes.
Listening to Spanish Moon right now and charging someone a thousand bucks an hour to do it. Go me. PIZZA! PIZZA!
PL: You’re cranking me on “philistine” while you’re dropping Huxley from memory?
Do you have a fucking camera in my house? First the Zeppelin/Neil Young video, now a hang brain reference. I was just doing that to my wife yesterday while she was on the phone with her mother. “Flying squirrel” is much better, in my opinion. As you said, I’m a pretentious fuck.
I reconnected to “Wharf Rat” recently. “Half of my life/Spent doin’ time for some other fucker’s crime…” Kind of like “The Ballad of Curtis Loew,” no? I know… You’re a “Needle and the Spoon” fan, but Curtis Loew’s up there with the best Skynrd ever did.
Franklin didn’t say “Quantity is quality.” That was Francis of Assisi.
Always preferred rye to bourbon. It might be time to re-visit the other side. Rye’s tough to find – I don’t think you could make a top ten rye list; at least, not made of brands that one could easily find. Any thoughts on Bulleit? It’s 30% rye, which is probably why I like it.
PL: Bulleit would be No. 9 or 10. I like it, but it’s thin. Bourbon’s supposed to have more body. If bourbon were a sound, it’d be similar to live late ’60s Stones, when Keith used to rip holes in the amps to get a fat sound, or Zeppelin on records I, II and IV. Bulleit comes off like a Doors tune. Excellent on its own terms, but you always feel like a bass guitar would have made the band a whole lot better.
That’s kind of the issue I have with Basil Hayden’s. I love the taste, but it goes down a little too lightly.
Agreed on the Beam Black – that stuff was the weapon of choice in college.
I’ve been “lucky” enough to land a job out of college and am appreciating everything you write more and more now that I can relate to “long days at the office, when you need a fast, tasty “bullet in the head” knockout”
PL: If I didn’t “self-medicate” and go to the gym religiously, I’d have lost mind in those jobs. If you have the book, dust it off in a couple more years and read “Squirrelfucker” and “26.” I look back on those chapters at this stage and they literally drive me right back to the office, sitting behind the desk. And I remember exactly why I made the choices I did.
Thanks PL, I really enjoyed this post. I’d like to ask, what brand of drink do you use when you want to write? Which brand is most conducive to unrestricted, uncensored writing? Of course, it doesn’t have to be a bourbon but bourbon seems like the obvious choice. Thanks for any help.
PL: Could be anything. Lately, gin and beer. When it’s bourbon, I’ll go with whatever’s on hand. That’s Woodford or Knob Creek usually.
Can’t drink a lot while writing. Turns the words to shit. Just a couple, to grease the gears. I used to use Red Bull and vodkas and a few other things to light the engines. That created some wild runs of prose (parts of “Lit Up,” “Platform 2006″) but it was too breakneck a pace to sustain.
This piece was written W.F.Buckley style – one continuous word after another for forty five minutes or so around midnight last evening, with minor edits today. Written on Double Daddy Speak Easy IPA and Leffe Belgian ale. When the subject matter’s so easy to recall, and you’ve known it so personally for so long, it’s simple. This one I could have done in my sleep. The fun ones are cool like that.
I won’t lie, I only read 1/2 the comments, but I have to agree with the recommendation on Eagle Rare. Try it again if you haven’t; it’s a tasty and affordable whiskey straight up. I keep a bottle at home as stock. I generally have Bookers and Bakers on hand as well. Luckily, my friends drink gin and vodka; the good bourbon stays with me.
I agree with all of your bourbon choices, save the glowing(or burning?) recommendation of Woodford. My wife is the native Kentuckian in our home and loves it, but she also likes white label Beam, so she’s no critic. Woodford is a blend of different macro barrels with a few private BBLs, not the small batch they claim on the slick label…They trick you before you even taste it!!! I always thought it tasted like a raw Wild Turkey myself. It’s not bad, but I won’t put it in my top 5. Anyway, I love your site and writing, and I love the article.
Bourbon is indeed the drink of gremlins and devils, and it’s one of the few liquors I enjoy for itself and not the buzz.
PL: I’ve never fixated on the single barrel quality of the bourbon. A blend’s just as good with me (in scotch, I prefer blends to most of the single malt stuff). I just really, really enjoy WR. You’re right on the bottle, though. It is a pretentious decanter. I was taking a shot at it in the text of the bit on Blanton’s. The two of them have the most obnoxious bottles. The Knob Creek and Turkey bottles are thee best of the bunch – simple to carry, store and handle.
Agreed on the taste. The complexity of bourbon surpasses all but a few scotches.
C’mon, dude. Now number 4 says “India Pale Pale Ale”. I really hope you don’t mind an lowly former college paper editor busting your balls like this, it is just an annoying tick I have. Thanks again for this post. I honestly have never had bourbon, but after reading this, I want a bottle. In Canada, ‘whiskey’ always means ‘rye’. For some reason you don’t seem to like Canadian Club or Crown Royal, which is hard to fathom, cause everyone I know cut their drinking teeth with this stuff. But as soon as I go back to the States, I am going to grab and smuggle over a bottle of Woodford (never seen it for sale here). Keep up the great work.
PL: There’s something wrong with the formatting software there – a line break in the draft or something holding the word there twice. When I read it on the screen, it said “Pale Ale.” This happens from time to time. You might also spot that words that ought to be italicized aren’t. I have to go back and read these things over to catch that shit.
Thanks on the rest and I don’t mind the tick. It’s a luxury to have editors in the audience of readers.
I was once weaned on Beam, Colonel’s Pride and Virginia Gentleman. Ahh the glory days of reckless youth, reckless behavior and pausing during a hook-up to vomit. Beam comes conveniently in the “traveller” plastic bottle that is far more portable than it’s square cousin. But I digress #with fond memories of behavior I have outgrown…#
I find that I volley back and forth between two alternatives mentioned but not listed, that are worthy of honorable mentions #although I believe either Could supplant your #5, pushing the same to #7#.
1. Crown Royal – although not technically a true bourbon, I consume the same with similar vigor previously reserved for the aforementioned Beam Traveller. A fine whiskey straight or, in particular, mixed with Ginger Ale. Gives the impression of some level of refinement while powering a similar ride to the Turkey 101 hunt you describe. Typically a hell of a lot cheaper than numbers 1 through 4 of your list.
2. Maker’s Mark – Could a relatively cheap bourbon be more sublimely versatile than Maker’s? It is the three tool infielder of the Bourbon world. Smooth, Punchy, and quaffable either straight or mixed. The taxi services in my town are made all the more profitable for my amorous relationship with this particular potent potable.
#sorry for the prose, feeling a bit lyrical while writing a very technical brief. And yes, I stopped billing during this interlude.#
PL: On Crown Royal, sorry, but I can stand no Canadian whiskey. I don’t think it tastes anything like bourbon. I have a similar aversion to Irish whiskey. Bushmills or Jamesons may as well be rubbing alcohol to me.
As to the MM, as I noted, it’s #7, and considering the number of bourbons out there and the njumber I’ve sampled, that’s no faint praise.
Bill this time to “Misc. Research re: Applicability of allonge provisions contradicting terms of note under DE law.” Or, “Client development.”
As usual, well done, however I have to disagree with you on the Bulleit comment (ranking-wise at least). That is one of the finest bourbons that I have ever drank, and much like you, I have had most of them. Its smoothness is what makes it so good. Same with Woodford, Knob and Blanton’s (never been a Turkey fan, and have not had Baker’s in a while as I haven’t been able to find it). Funny missive about Woodford – my mother bought me a bottle for my birthday, and not being a bourbon drinker asked “Is that a good one?” Once I stopped laughing, I cracked the seal, poured her a glass and said “What do you think?” Her response was “Not sure yet, maybe I need to try again.” Well played.
PL: You’ve good genetics.
Bulleit’s good. It’s just not making this list for me.
For the Irish whiskeys, the sipping doesn’t get good until you get into the realm of the Bushmills 10 year, Black Bush, or Jamie 12 yr. Anything under 10 years is gonna be rough, with the notable exception of Tullamore Dew. The Irish whiskeys generally need more age to please the palate.
PL: I’ve just never cared for the taste. It’s not scotch, and it’s not bourbon. It feels like some bad “third” type encompassing lackluster strains of both to me.
Ever tried Pappy Van Winkle’s? The 15yr stands head and shoulders above anything else in my opinion.
http://www.oldripvanwinkle.com
PL: Yes, but I thought it was overrated. Thin and unremarkable.
In fairness, however, I was swilling it with Johnny Blue, Champagne and some old Polish malt liquor at a holiday party, so my palate might have been a bit polluted.
fantastic, i’ve been drinking woodford for a while now, and find my choice validated!
i had some baker’s as per your reccomendation and have to say i prefer woodford. i find baker’s quite a bit sharper, and it keeps me up all night.
still, i keep both bottles on the counter
i tried some bluecoat gin as well…somethign about gin just doesn’t agree with me…like drinking a pine tree.
maybe i owe it another shot, i only had one glass on the rocks
PL: Baker’s takes a while to grow on you as it is packed full of flavor. Give it a few more tries, slowly. Once you get a taste for it, you’ll want to buy more. Which sucks because it’s a bitch to find.
Great post (again) there PL. Always wonderful to see a new story for the masses to read.
With that said; you have just given me my shopping list for the upcoming weekend!
Looking forward to the next selection in the line.
PL: Bring your wallet. Even the Turkey 101 is $23.00 these days. Ever since bourbon became a connoisseur’s drink, the prices have been steadily creeping north. I remember when Maker’s was $19 a bottle. Now it’s $24.
Ever try Buffalo Chase? Had some last weekend and it was some pretty good stuff.
PL: No. People tell me Buffalo Trace is great. Made by the same people who make Blanton’s, I think. But that’s one I have not had.
Sorry, I meant Buffalo Trace.
PL: Understood. See above.
Loved this post. Would enjoy a similar one on beer, though, as you pointed out to me a while ago, you’re getting much less drunk for your buck. Cheap Bourbon and canned american light beer have been the driving forces behind many of the best nights of my life. But, as Horatio Alger said, aspire to one day spare no expense on the contents of your liquor cabinet.
I’ve only had Woodford once and surprisingly didn’t like it all. I’ll give it another shot on a night I haven’t already had so much. I love the rest of the Bourbon’s on the list, especially Knob Creek, and I think Bulleit makes my top 5. It is a little thinner than the others, but the variety is part of its appeal. Plus, its tasty as hell, and Bulleit is certainly a good Bourbon for a summer night (or day). And thanks to the modest price, one that I’m not afraid to take shots of when the night calls for it.
The gal I’m to marry is a four legged sow, I’ve been soaking up drink like a sponge.
“Don’t ya worry, get dressed,” cried my mother
As she plied me with bourbon so sour.
Ah sweet medicine.
PL: Nice call. Excellent work.
I also like:
I sat down to my supper, twas a bottle of red whisky/
I said my prayers and went to bed, that’s the last they saw of me/Don’t murder me, I beg of you, don’t murder me/Please, don’t murder me
Another great one is this mean tune from Widespread, “Mercy”:
My eyes won’t pretend
I didn’t know you were closed
I can smell your breath
Through a freshly painted door
Stand here in your coat
While I pour three more glasses of burgundy
And you can lick the dust from the bottle
When Panic wrote of burgundy, they didn’t mean wine.
I really love this site and if you have a minute, I would love if you could weigh in on a debate I’ve been involved in. After the gin top 5 and this top 5, I think you’ll have the answer.
Let’s say you have a really good bourbon (or whiskey, gin, whatever. Some kind of alcohol.) You also have a really shitty bourbon. Which one do you use for shots / straight drinks on the rocks and which one do you make mixed drinks out of? And not fratboy mixed drinks but actual drinks. I voted that you use the shitty liquor in the drink and save the good stuff for the shots but I have many friends that disagree.
Always a pleasure reading your stuff. Keep up the good work.
PL: I drink bourbon straight. Never mix it. Not because I want to be a badass or any dumb shit like that. Because my grandfather told my mother, and she passed along to me, this wise bit of advice: If you drink it straight, you won’t get a hangover, or at least not as much of a hangover as you otherwise would. And really, if you’re drinking liquor, why the fuck would you want it to taste like soda? You can have a soda if you want something that tastes like soda. (Exceptions, of course, for mixed drinks involving Red Bull and G&Ts).
Use the shit bourbon for shots, and freeze it first. If you have the book, there’s a description of something in it called “Bourbon Club.” Follow those rules with a frozen bottle of any bourbon and you’ll go from zero to bourbonized in 45 minutes.
Drink it straight. Trust me on that. And if you’re worried about the hangover, take a huge horse pill of B-12 (or any B vitamin) before bed with a load of water. Or drink Red Bull. It’s loaded with B vitamins, which is part of why it has the kick it does.
You sir, have excellent taste in whisky. Here are my top five in no particular order.
Maker’s
Blanton’s
Basil Hayden’s
Woodford
Knob Creek
If you ever plan on doing a list of your top five beers you absolutely have to try Stone Imperial Russian Stout if you haven’t already. If you like Old Raspy, you’ll probably love that stuff. If Stone IRS isn’t distributed in Philly, let me know and I’ll send you a bottle. Also, St. Bernardus Abt. 12 beats the shit out of Chimay Blue.
Cheers,
Geoff
PL: Thanks. I have had the Stone IRS and yes, it’s fucking amazing. I have not had the St. Barnabus, but a place nearby sells it by the bottle and, with your recommendation, I’ll pick one up.
Another Dead tune I’ve always been fond of:
Daddy made whiskey and he made it well.
Cost two dollars and it burned like hell.
I cut hick’ry just to fire the still,
Drink down a bottle and be ready to kill.
Brown-eyed women and red grenadine,
The bottle was dusty but the liquor was clean.
PL: They released an extended version of “Europe ‘72″ two years ago. For my money, the best tune on it is still the “He’s Gone,” but there were some good additions. If you don’t have it, I suggest it. Not as good as the “Skullfuck” record, but always good background music.
Buy “Three From the Vault” as well if you don’t already have it. That’s a killer live show with excellent sound. The Vault stuff’s a grade up in sonic quality from the Dicks Picks.
a quick recommendation, if you can get ahold of a bottle: templeton rye (distilled in templeton, ia). i wouldn’t consider the flavor complex, but it is one of the smoothest and cleanest whiskeys i’ve ever had. it is only distributed to IA and IL (for now), so you’ll have to go online to get it at: http://www.binnys.com/. this site is a boon for those hard to find rarities that may not be distributed to your area. while it is not nearly as magical as stumbling across your favorite popskull at a local dispensary, Binny’s almost always has what you’re looking for.
keep of the good work, PL. your book has been passed around my housemates and read to tatters.
PL: Good old Pennsylvania… Nobody ships liquor here. But I know where to get that stuff.
You’d be surprised how many emails I’ve received suggesting rye. Odd so many people feel so strongly about it and yet it’s not a big thing in the States.
Excellent list, and I wholeheartedly agree with most of it. I would substitute Eagle Rare or Elijah Craig for your Baker’s, but the other 4 are spot on.
I’ve found that Old Crow is a surprisingly drinkable bourbon when one finds oneself in a complete dive bar that doesn’t have any of your Fancy Five available.
PL: I’m kind of surprised Old Crow has been overlooked in favor of Early Times. Old Crow’s not as refined, of course, but I think it tastes better than ET.
I can’t agree with EC or ER beating Baker’s.
As a Canuck, I have to ask: do you ever indulge in any Rye whiskeys in-between the Bourbons and Scotches?
PL: No. But you’re like the eleventh person to write me saying I should. I know very little about them.
Bourbon is a staple for me. Every night I start at 6:00 with a double, neat. I sip on that until 7:30 and have one more… unless it’s the weekend.
As it is a staple, I usually go with Evan Williams. I’d go broke otherwise. So the bourbons you list are actually “treats” for me.
If you ever get the chance, usually in October, George T. Stagg becomes available. It’s usually barrel strength and unfiltered. I can’t remember the proof of last year’s run, but I think it was over 120. It needs a little water and some patience, but there are some really great flavors.
Elmer T. Lee is also a “fun” bourbon if you can find it.
PL: I’ve had the Evan Williams. Used to see it everywhere, but now its a little more rare in my part of the world. Solid bourbon.
The other two I’ve not only never had, but never even heard of. Thanks for the obscure recommendations.
if your looking for more beer superior to chimay blue, id recommend picking up rochefort. they have a 6, 8, and a 10 i belive.
the 8 is their strong dark. drinking that is like riding a unicorn
PL: Thanks. Interesting image.
I wouldn’t use Crown Royal to disinfect my genitals after having unprotected sex with a 50 year old junkie at a South County gangbang after-party. I’d rather felch rotten herring juice. PIZZA! PIZZA!
PL: First, “Hotmale”? How have I been doing this for 4 years and not seen someone use that before?
Agreed on the former. Fifty’s just too old. I need a risk factor, and post-menopausals might as well be using a condom.
What about fresh herring juice?
Due to government service, I was forced to relocate to Kentucky, and after the initial hatred of the area wore off I realized that I was smack dab in the middle of whisky country. After tasting the local wares, two bourbons come to mind that could easily make this list (our tastes seem fairly similar).
All of Buffalo Trace’s products are good, and the esoteric Old Pappy Van Winkle stuff is straight out face-melting (and costly), but the Eagle Rare single barrel is what I always seem to come back to. Smooth without completely lacking an edge, almost Dr. Pepper in its aroma, I can drink it all day and never tire of it.
Second is Four Roses, who only recently began distributing their products outside KY. Their higher priced offerings (in the low $30 range), such as the single barrel, can be inspired. However, of all the single barrels I have tasted, none has varied as much as Four Roses. I find myself going to store after store chasing a certain lot number after finding an especially awesome bottle; I’ve also been known to hand out bottles to friends as “gifts” after the first glass proved to be a dud.
PL: I think I’ve seen Four Roses somewhere, but I might be confusing it with something else. As to Van Winkle, I probably ought to sample that in a less obliterated condition.
Four Roses, which only used to be available in Kentucky, is pretty good. Their single barrel is hit and miss, but the good bottles are legendary. I’ve been known to drive around for hours chasing bottles of a good lot number.
The stuff coming out of Buffalo Trace is also exceptional. The Pappy Van Winkle line, while expensive, is easily the best bourbon I’ve ever tasted, especially the 20 year. For a simpler, cheaper BT experience, it is hard to beat Eagle Rare. The new single barrel Eagle Rare has been my go-to whisky ever since I discovered it last year. It is perfect on the rocks.
PL: Seems everybody loves the ER and VW.
>>
I feel like the point was missed. I don’t mix whiskey (except for the occasional jack and coke). I meant any liquor. Let’s say vodka since it’s a mixed drink liquor in my opinion. Do you use the good stuff for shots or for mixed drinks?
Thanks again.
Jonathon
PL: I drink vodka exclusively on the rocks (it’s exceedingly rare that I’ll have a V&T), and I pretty much only buy good shit, so it’s hard for me to work with the hypo. One caveat – frozen Chopin shooters go well with seafood. Cleanses the palate nicely.
As to bourbon, if someone wants to do a shot, I’ll use the cheaper stuff.
I grabbed a bottle of bullit today based on some of the comments here. Its pretty good but I have to say you are right about its lack of boldness. On a side note my dad told me about a great bourbon that just recently became available outside of KY. It’s called Four Roses, and per his recommendation I gave it a shot. Fucking stellar. Also Stones IRS is ok but their double IPA ruination(?) is fucking awesome as well.
PL: You’re probably the 5th person who’s written in about Four Roses in the past two days.
I had a 22 oz bottle of Ruination the other night. Good, but it’s no Dogfishhead 90 Minute IPA, and certainly no Bell’s Hopslam. You have to try the Hopslam. It’s the best beer, period.
Your description of bourbon was spot on, especially that of Woodford Reserve. Nothing reminds me more of fraternity formals in New Orleans, than inbibing a fifth of woodford reserve on the ride down from Oxford, Ms and then getting kicked out of Pat O’Briens for picking a fight in the bathroom for space to do some booger sugar
PL: Oh, God… I had a horror story incident doing that in the Continental Bar in Philly. Some crazed meathead in a business suit, wired out of his fucking skull, wanted to use the stall a buddy and I were using. He kicked the door and started demanding we leave. Bad vibes all around.
great as usual, PL. this combined with your Gin top 5 ,which i had my first Gin last thursday(Beefeater’s on the rocks), I know what im drinking next week. all of this. big fan of Baker’s and Knob Creek. also Basil Hayden’s, Bulleitt (which makes me violent), and Fighting Cock. i like Fighting cock because you can drink it on the cheap, which is important if you’re 22.
PL: Beefeaters… That’s the old school stuff I learned on. Making drinks for my folks.
PL, if you’re ever interested in coming down to KY to check out how bourbon is actually made (you mentioned flavor differences and seemed interested in how they made it taste different) my pops is quality control for Wild Turkey. That means he’s the guy who makes it from the yeast to the amount of corn to the tasting and ranking (Turkey has several other brands)and is down for giving people tours provided I’m the one who’s asking him.
PL: Damn kind. I’ll put this email into the “special” folder.
After reading this and your top 5 gin’s, if there could only be one type of liquor, either clear or dark, which group would would you save?
PL: Bourbon. No question in the world. I love vodka and gin, but it’s not even close.
PL, the only statement I cringed at in your post was your jab at horse racing. (My handle might suggest I have some sensitivity on the subject.) I didn’t so much bristle because I disagree, but because I thought it was unnecessary. The connection between bourbon and horses is almost entirely geographical. Aside from the mint julep and the Kentucky Derby, there’s about as much a connection between horse-racing and bourbon as there is between milk and the Indy 500. I’ve been going to the track since I can remember, and it’s a beer-drinker’s sport (as most sports are). I’ve never seen anyone sitting in the grandstand drinking bourbon on any day other than the first Saturday in May at Churchill (and only then out of a sense of obligation). And “country club set?” I haven’t been to Philadelphia Park, but it always struck me as a blue-collar venue. Last of all, don’t forget that there are many Escaped Lawyers who have found asylum from the Law as horsemen, horseplayers, and racing writers.
I’ve seen a few posts asking for top-five beers. With so many out there, that’d be a tough one. You’d almost need to take them by style. If you do, give us your IPAs. I’m a hop-head.
PL: I’ve had a different experience with horse folks. But I also recognize what you;re describing. It’s all subjective.
The top five beers would be four in no particular order, with Bell’s Hopslam as #1.
My friends in Biology tell me there’s no difference in the type of drunk you get from different alcohols. Experience and anecdotes tell me otherwise. Who to believe???
PL: Technically, on the most literal of scientific bases, at a cellular level, they’ve likely got a point. But I have 1,000,000,000,000 booze drinkers over two millenia telling those kids to put the Organic Chem book down and do some field research before they offer a statement so clearly imbecilic.
You get the same buzz from an equivalent amounts of bourbon and beer? Bourbon and champagne? Champagne and red wine? There are a million variables altering the type of drunk one gets from different liquors. Only a college kid enamored with his sudden new found “knowledge” would say something so silly. I remember thinking the same thing about Milton Friedman when I first read him at 19. It all seems so clear, and it isn’t.
You know, I’ve read just about every post that you’ve made, and your recommendations are generally spot on, save this one. I really don’t understand how Woodford outranks Wild Turkey, (or even Jack Daniels for that matter). Then again, I’m not an experienced drinker of bourbon, I just like the stuff.
I also read in the comments where you said that you didn’t have any appreciation for Irish Whiskey, which I found rather odd to say the least. Paddy and Tullamore Dew are probably two of the best whiskeys on store shelves today.
Is there something in the “true” taste of bourbon that I’m missing here?
PL: Hell no. It’s all subjective. You like what you like. This is just a list of what I like. And what I don’t, including Irish whiskey.
It seems like you are ahead of the curve with your No. 1 choice Woodford Reserve. Check out this article I just came across:
http://news.moneycentral.msn.com/provider/providerarticle.aspx?feed=BW&date=20090728&id=10181072
Maybe your article can be part of their marketing plan.
PL: I doubt they’d use me, but thanks for the heads up.
While Makers is my personal fave, I respect your experimentation and thought out analysis of bourbons. I’m from Louisville, KY (the home of the Derby and Mint Julep), so I’m unsure where you heard that Blanton’s is the fave for juleps, as I’ve never heard of it before. Though perhaps I’ve seen the bottle hundreds of times and continue to pass it by for the old bottle with the red wax.
However, I don’t know if someone addressed this in the lengthy thread above, but ET (Early Times) is not bourbon. Notice on the bottle, they don’t say the word “bourbon” anywhere. It’s Kentucky whiskey. Which doesn’t mean it’s bourbon. I think ET’s recipe doesn’t involve the proper ratio of corn and wheat etc, but I just wanted to educate others around here. While its taste is in the same field, it’s the same as seeing Jack Daniel’s on a bar’s bourbon list. It’s insulting to true bourbon. Not that JAck is bad, it’s quite tasty. But it’s not bourbon. and neither is ET.
Regarding buzz, perhaps because I almost exclusively drink bourbon now, I can have 5 bourbons (if we’re talking jiggers) and be less buzzed than when I have 3 beers. 7.5 oz of bourbon to 36 oz of beer by proof should really tell me that at 5 whiskeys, I ought to be 3 sheets, but am only very comfortable, but can still walk straight, no lisp, but carry a big grin. So yes, the buzz is in the head of the shit-faced. Cellularly, probably no change, but the brain’s ability to deal with the fuzz is my true measurement, and mine is very used to the buzz of bourbon.
PL: I think I’m actually sharper on bourbon. I’ve written about this elsewhere… It just cuts out a whole lot of white noise I otherwise pick up around me. Part of writing anything requires insight – like you have antennae up in all directions at all times. A bourbon buzz has a focus to it.
Spot-on about Woodford Reserve, PL. Me, a friend and his wife demolished a bottle between the three of us this weekend. None of us had even the hint of a hangover. Also, you mentioned that Baker’s is “much harder to find” than some of the other small batches. the ABC store i go to in Virginia has 6 bottles of it like all the time. the Booker’s is the one thats harder to find than for me. especially the 7 year old.
PL: Hell, Booker’s is everywhere up here. Baker’s? Not a single bottle to be found. Advantage there is to you. Baker’s is enjoyable in quantity. Booker’s is too damned strong to enjoy more than two or three snifters’ worth.
I live in Canada and there isn’t a variety of Burbon up here, I decided there must be something good in Turkey from reading a lot of Hunter S. About the same time I started reading your site, and I must say I probably would not have tried it had it not been promoted by some of my favorite authors.
You think Mark Twain was into the stuff?
Anyway great article, love it. Thanks for the en-culturing.
PL: I don’t know if Twain drank it, but I certainly wouldn’t be surprised, considering where he was from and his temperment.
i just poured a maker’s mark. where have you been all my life? some of my friends joke that i might as well put some ice cubes in my bottles and drink it like that.
PL: Welcome to a whole new level of saucing. Once you’ve started drinking bourbon, all other alcohols are in a race for second place.
Hey I know it’s an old post but I thought I needed to also chip in about Woodford – it kicks ass. Woke up at 7 today feeling like a million bucks. Thanks.
PL: It’s the real Jesus Juice.