Comments on: L’esprit de l’escalier, Conclusion

By: SneakyPete

SneakyPete — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 13:07:32 +0000

excellent. but for me, its always been not talking at all. at a bar, nearing last call, 3 or 4 females were sitting at a table. one of these females (an attractive blonde if i remember), tells her friends that she is “putting out tonight” and high fives her friends. she then precedes to attempt to strike up a conversation with me. the only problem with this is that i was told this happened by my friend the next day. i have no memory of this female talking to me. i do have a memory of stumbling home alone. seems to be my major problem with using whiskey as a time machine, is that sometimes it works. havent got any in two years or so, and a woman walks up to ME trying to get strange. damnit.
PL: I’ve tried not to talk. Then I’d get drunk…
I hope that “two years” thing refers to whiskey.

By: Vladimir Zhirinovsky

Vladimir Zhirinovsky — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 15:29:46 +0000

You know, Russians use vodka to get rid of foot fungus and other unwanted parasites. You ever get athlete’s foot, jock itch, or scabies and that bottle of Absolut might just come in handy.
I never understood why anyone would drink Grey Goose, Absolut, or Skyy when you can buy ??????? ???????? (Russian Standard) for the same price. They’re all horribly overpriced premium brands, and yet people pick the worst of them every fucking time.
With that said, if you ever make it to Bulgaria, try this vodka called “Vodka from Targovishte”. The entire town’s economy centers around one vodka plant, a holdout from the salad days of Communism (relatively speaking, of course.) Plain black&white paper label, unobtrusive bottle, only about $7/litre…but it’s the best vodka you will ever have, period. Supremely smooth, almost completely devoid of any taste, with a buzz that will make you nearly as charming as scotch. Personally I like Nemiroff black label – a Ukrainian vodka (well, Ukrainians call it ???????, pronounced horilka/gorilka depending on where you’re from) that has a bit more bite. Problem is, if you aren’t a sex tourist or dumping toxic waste, there are unfortunately very few good reasons to go to Ukraine, and I haven’t seen it anywhere else.
Oh, and the conclusion to this piece was great. Bravo.
PL: Thanks. I figured you’d dig that paragraph on the self-help books.
Thanks for the recommendations, as well. I have relative who gets vodka from that general part of the world now and again. I’ll ask her to see if she can’t round up one of those brands.

By: kakutogi

kakutogi — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 16:07:36 +0000

Are you really surprised GQ chose Don Draper?
A while back you were talking about Vodkas, and you said one of them was actually shitty vodka with a great marketing gimmick. Between Skol, Stoli, and Burnett’s, I gotta go with Burnett’s.
PL: Absolut. It’s junk sold in an iconic bottle. I have a bottle in the cabinet right now. Somebody gave it to me as a gift. I can get past the insult of having someone think I’d drink that turpentine (person probably thought it was good stuff), but I assure you of this: That bottle will grow a foot of dust before I’ll crack its seal. I wouldn’t serve it to the lowest grade of guest.
Grey Goose is also high priced yuppie garbage, but it’s four times distilled, and if you can get past the metallic chemical nose of the stuff, it’s drinkable. Miles more drinkable than Absolut.
Haven’t had Burnett’s or Skol. I can still drink Stoli, but that’s probably out of affection or brand devotion more than anything else these days. The brand triggers a lot of good memories.

By: Rosie Palmer

Rosie Palmer — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 12:28:33 +0000

White Curtain’s sounding tasty. Sounds very similar to a drink that was part of my initiation when I joined the AOA, called “White Room with Black Curtains”. The only real difference is that you substitue all your listed ingredients (other than the grain alcohol) with PCP and mescaline. Anyone for Tennis?
PIZZA! PIZZA!
PL: Ahhhh… They smoked the PCP at my alma mater. Dope soaked in the stuff. Called it the “Greens.” Nasty stuff, but I imagine the grain would cut that burnt plastic taste nicely. Say what you will of its propensity to cause blindness, kidney failure, temporary paralysis and cardiac arrest, nothing freshens the palate like Everclear. One could wash the residue of a heaping bowl of dogshit from his mouth with nothing more than a nice, cold tumbler of EC. Not that you would, but…
Where was I going with this? Oh, right. Try to be more like a vampire.

By: Rosie Palmer

Rosie Palmer — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 11:11:06 +0000

Hell Cocktail
9 December, 2008 (08:00) | Savoy Cocktail Book
(6 People)
Shake (or stir, what does it matter?) 3 glasses of Cognac (1 1/2 oz Cerbois VSOP Armangnac) and 3 glasses of Green Crème de Menthe (1/2 oz Brizard White Creme de Menthe). Serve with a pinch of red pepper (Cayenne Pepper) on each glass.
Glasses are, of course, 2 ounces. 12 ounces, total, for 6 people, makes it 2 oz per serving.
A half an ounce of Creme de Menthe seemed like plenty to me so I upped the Brandy.
I put it in a liqueur glass, because, frankly, this is a shooter.
Seems like it would be a bit sweet and sugary for how hot it is anticipated to be down there, but hey that’s why it’s hell right?
Again I’ll draw a line in the sand on two critical things. The Beatles stink and Zombies are way better than vampires. PIZZA! PIZZA!
PL: The White Curtain
(1 Person)
2 oz. Everclear Grain Alcohol
2 oz. Stolichnaya Vanilla Vodka
2 oz. Vanilla Cream soda
1 “Five Hour Energy” Drink
Blend with crushed ice and serve in 12 oz. straight beer glass.
Rinse and repeat as necessary.
…And we bid you goodnight. Good night. Goodnight.

By: Julian

Julian — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 09:36:05 +0000

I don’t blame whiskey for this one. There is no more certain cockblock than an unattended friend of the girl you’re talking to. Once the friends realized they had no prospects, they made sure the girls I was talking to would leave the club with them before the metro closed at 1AM. Game Theory (à la john nash, not Mystery) said not to piss off 8 girls by devoting my time to 1 and pushing her to ditch her friends. When your time horizon is longer than one night, there are few worse strategies than pissing off a girls’ roommate or good friend. I had to learn this one the hard way too many times. Whats was your definition of insanity? Doing the same thing and hoping for a different result.
For a while, I’ve been defending watching true blood by saying that it isn’t a show about vampires, its a show about the south and american ignorance. vampires are a thinly veiled metaphor for “the other.”
As for the rest of popular media, I tend to agree. In the spirit of being fair, I try to wonder if I’m becoming a curmudgeon at a young age because of old taste in music. Did punk look as shitty to Charlie Parker fans as overproduced dance music looks to me? Either way, our collective attention span is getting shorter, and I do think the average level of cognition in our country has been on the decline for some time. Those 70% want their entertainment to be the equivalent of a pixie stick. No nutritional value, no subtlety. Just a quick burst of energy and sweetness that can be easily replicated or replaced. Anything that takes time to digest becomes obsolete. Maybe those ancient statesmen who feared democracy because it left too much to the idiocy of crowds had a point. Maybe I’m getting cynical. Maybe when I can’t distinguish between the level of dialogue in reality tv commericials and network news debates about health care, I’d rather turn off the tv, put on exile on main street and inhale a balloon of nitrous oxide while I sip scotch neat.
PL: Vampires, in my opinion, are relativists following a simple secular code of being decent to maintain general peac. Everybody else is caught up in ideologies, beliefs, flogging “values” they don’t follow. It’s a neat little riff on the duality of so many Americans. And it works at almost every level. Everything in our culture has a surface projection divorced from what’s underneath. Consider why “Mad Men” has been so successful. The show goes absolutely nowhere, but it draws us as we are, and the hero is the one guy who’s grounded enough to realize that when you’re stuck in a carnival of fraud and spin, being amoral is wiser, and more respectable, than being immoral. Don Draper, the vampire of the series, was just named the No. 1 most respected male figure in America by GQ (look it up). Above Barack Obama, Roger Federer and the Dalai Lama. Why? Because he knows what we are and gets to the point. He doesn’t need the posturing. Doesn’t care if you like him or not. Gave that up long ago.
Millions of Americans apparently live vicariously through him every week. And I guess they figure it’s a fantasy, to be able to be so direct. Kind of odd, as he’s one of the few characters one could legitimately, realistically emulate. All you’d have to do is chuck the facade and say what you’re actually thinking.
But then, that’s wishful thinking. Better to stay fat, happy and clueless on a diet of Mountain Dew and whiskeys, triple helpings of chicken wings, fundamentalism, soap opera talk and mysticism at Sam’s Bar in “True Blood.”

By: John Joe

John Joe — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 08:01:26 +0000

Nick
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_medium_is_the_message
If we don’t know any of the little incidental things about him that don’t matter to him and shouldn’t matter to us, then his actual message is purer. Why would he want to be famous anyway? So he could talk to Oprah? Letterman? What possible benefit could there be (for anyone) to having his identity known? What if he’s ugly? What if he’s got lousy teeth? What if he has a speech impediment? Does your opinion of him change? Do you think it won’t?
Anyway PL, I live in Ireland so your talk about NPR or whoever totally goes over my head, though I’m not naive enough to believe that you’re talking exclusively to me.
Regarding your suggestion to move: to where?
My country is pretty fucked – don’t be surprised if you hear we’re bankrupt in the next few months – but I have an engineering degree to finish and I don’t know if I’m ready to emigrate yet.
The western world is fucked and don’t let anybody tell you any different.
PL: I’d do well to be seen in public. That’s the hilarity of my life. It’s also been my undoing. As a partner once told me, “You can’t look like that, carry yourself like that and talk that way.” Another woman told me it was shame I’d been gifted the powers of speech. The sick thing of it is, given the decent advantages I was in life, I have no reason to bitch. I had a great childhood and my folks hooked me up with everything they could to give me an easy life. I got the house, the cars, the wife… hell I have a wonderful child. And I appreciate it all. But I can’t help looking at everything and seeing so much comedy worth writing about. And the voice won’t stop. I just need to write.
And I’m not alone in asking, “Is this it?” I can cite a half dozen people I know who look like they’ve got it made in the shade who’d give anything to do something different with their careers.
My teeth are dead straight, and white. Bleaching’s excellent for that.
(As to moving, good point. Maybe we should just move our priorities. Start focusing on enjoying our lives a little more instead of feeding this idiotic perpetual “growth” Ponzi scheme we’ve had going.)

By: Julian

Julian — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 05:55:06 +0000

It does make sense. It’s the beginning of an explanation of why “pull back and don’t stress” is usually good advice. Stressing too easily becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
To say its only the story and not the form is akin to saying its only the lyrics and not the music. Yep, no reason for Eric to have wasted all that time playing Crossroads, Duane Statesboro Blues, Hendrix All Along the Watchtower… There’s some good reasoning behind saying its the story not the form to the degree that its what you convey that matters, and that language is no ends in of itself, but that should be obvious.
Last night I was reminded of the importance of wingmen, and that even a bad one can be better than none. ended up at a table with 9 girls and myself, had a very good shot with at least 3… and naturally went home alone. In that situation all you can hope to do is make a good impression, not piss anyone off, and pray 8 girls decide to leave.
PL: You had to have gotten yourself shitfaced to fuck up those odds. I say blame whiskey for that.
On the rest, excellent analogies. But you’d have to agree with me that the lines in our culture seem to be splitting deeply. We have excellent stuff created in books, TV, cinema and music, but the major profits centers are more than ever before garbage. Be it silly knock off versions of self help or “guru” books promising to make people skinny or claiming to be the next “Long Tail,” reality television,* terrible, over-produced sanitized hip-hop/metal/dance music, or horror movies filled with McActors from The Hills.
We like to think the country loves things like 30 Rock, but 30 Rock hasn’t anything near the ratings of the reality shows. I think we’re heading toward a time where a lot of this country – even more so because a lot more of us will not be able to afford higher education – are going to stay mired in a cultural wasteland. It’s fine to be exposed to high brow and low brow shit at once. You need the Taco Bell binge every now and again amidst the poached salmon and baby greens lunches. You can’t have all of either exclusively or you lose touch. And right now, I see a 30% sector of people decoupling from the rest of the country. I see 70% of people nodding along with the notion that “It’s only the story that counts… Keep it fuckin’ simple, man.” Scary shit. Because the end result of country that doesn’t give a damn about how the guitar’s played, how the words are written, or how the punchline in the sitcom is nuanced into the scene is a place the rest of us will abandon. Except as a pile of dim marks to whom we can sell cheap commercial products. Are we headed into a “predator” and “prey” class in art the same way we have been in finance? Some would say we’ve been been there for a long time already. I’m a little less cynical. I think it’s reversible.
* Many friends of mine claim they like to slum with reality TV as a guilty pleasure. That’s heartening when one considers the size of reality TV audiences. The comfort, however, is short lived, when one considers that those types of viewers are about 5-15% of the reality TV audience. The sad fact is, most people who really love reality TV take it as earnest entertainment.

By: Rosie Palmer

Rosie Palmer — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 01:12:30 +0000

I’ve changed my tune… Nitrous oxide its the greatest substance ever synthesized by man… And frankly, nature has yet to hold its accidental candle to anything we’ve done on purpose… PIZZA!PIZZA!
PL: Madness. You’d have to do something in the lines of 300 to get the length one would from a decent mushroom trip. At 20 cartridges a box, and $12.00 a box, that’s–
Fuck it… You’re drooling, aren’t you. Look right. You’re spilling a beer in the wife’s new throw rug. And don’t let the dog see you this way. Upsets them.*
(I view it like an orgasm. Yeah, it’s the shit, but it’s too fast, and after a certain number, the circuits are busted and you have to wait twelve hours to go again.)
* Ever exhale a balloon through a lit cigar or cigarette? Looks like a flare. I shit you not. Dayglow bright white and blue flames come out the end. Learned it from a clown at a children’s birthday party. Kids love it.

By: Nick

Nick — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 23:34:33 +0000

I have been reading for almost 2 years. Very interesting stuff. I’m big into music so the intertwining of music and life is something I really like in your writing. This piece is in my top 3 of what you’ve written. The strength of any person in any field is judged by how much outstanding shit they can produce/create over a long period of time. You, in terms of writing, are well on your way.
I have one simple question: why are you still anonymous?
You aren’t a lawyer anymore. No 5’9″ pseudo-intellectual with an superiority complex to push you around…I don’t get it. I have surmised that you would rather have people focus on your content and draw conclusions as the reason. But, who am I to say?
I’m purchasing and sending your book to a friend. He wants to be a lawyer. Hopefully, you can put an end to that.
Best.
PL: I make fun of people in that book who: (a) have no sense of humor, and; (b) would stoop to anything to suck money out of somebody. Have to be careful about how you handle that. I haven’t done all that work to have a Napoleon who feels jilted get up my ass about some passage he doesn’t like. It was hard enough getting away from that cesspool of miscreants once.