This one’s quick, as I’m hopefully watching the Phillies take a two game lead on the Yankees. (That I view a big chunk of its legal community as one might a festering STD doesn’t sour me entirely against the city. And really, who the hell can be Yankee fan with that payroll? It’s like being a Duke basketball fan in the ’90s.)
But I’m not here to rant on why I’m glad, or view it as karmic, that a flea like Bobby Hurley never had a real NBA career. Or why Steinbrenner’s been a blight on baseball who won’t be leaving soon enough. No, this is a simple link – to a heartfelt, self-help piece I just wrote for Brobible, “You’re Not Getting Laid Because…” Here’s a sample:
You’re not getting laid because you’re…
3. Pleated
Youth and virility are paramount to attraction, and nothing says “old enough to have an elevated PSA reading” like a pair of pleated pants. The codger on the park bench rambling about how “Harry Truman would have fixed this goddamned economy,” the greeter at Wal-Mart with the Monty Burns hunchback… your great uncle with three inch-long nose hair and breath like mothballs — these corpses wear pleated pants, not you. The only thing you should ever do with a woman who’s into that look is steal her Social Security checks. And have her add you into her will.
It’s not all bad: They go well with Velcro shoes.
Maybe it is: So does a feeding tube.
I care, for all of God’s children. And I’m nothing if not giving.
link is broken.
PL: I don’t think so. Worked for me. But thanks anyway.
Am I the only person who is really fucking annoyed by the “bro culture” (for lack of a better phrase)? Just reading the comments on the brobible site is obnoxious as hell. Broscruff? “Makes the coochies rain?” Who the hell talks like that?
PL: I think it’s being used, to a great degree, ironically. Look at the names of the commenters. It’s a goof to those smart enough to get the self-satire angle, but also interested in the subject matter covered.
Pretty weak article. How many people actually wear pleated pants or are as wide as they are tall from working out too much? Married men over 50 and 1 in 200,000?
http://www.rooshv.com/18-reasons-why-you-dont-get-laid
Here’s another similar article I read recently and #7 seems to hit it on the head. The most important thing for getting laid is to hit on women. Seems pretty obvious to me. After that the most important thing to do is improve yourself, make more money, make new friends, learn and do interesting things, don’t dress like a moron (which your article covers) etc.
PL: You’re not taking a promotional joke piece seriously, are you? Could I have been more overtly ironic and satirical in the piece?
The last point you make though, is correct. However, “hitting” on women is the wrong word. You “talk” to them, like humans, and if the sexual tension is there, and you’re both normal, you’ll sense it and nature will take over.
“nature will take over”
Like Ron Burgundy’s massive erection?
Don’t act like you’re not impressed!
PL: An apt comparison. And yes, I am. A very underrated movie.