Vodka. You’ve known it since junior year in high school. It’s what you stole from your folks’ liquor cabinet. What you swilled with Gatorade or Jolt in your best friend’s parents’ basement bar. What your girlfriend inhaled with diet Sprite the night she vomited all over your dashboard. It’s what your first fuck had probably been drinking. And most of all the rest since.
It’s what the freshman girls sucked out of squeeze bottles, mixed 1:1 with Crystal Light. What the neighbor with the medicated stare sips from those tumblers sitting on her deck. A sneaky, underhanded drunk… The fount of those terrible thoughts, like “I can pull out in time,” or “What? It’s just an M-80…” The cause of that lost night in Georgetown, where you passed out and woke up in the kitchen, a topless girl next to you on the tile, an open bag of cold cuts in your lap.
Vodka’s been with you forever, wherever you’ve found yourself drinking – the ultimate shape-shifting liquor. Screwdrivers, Greyhounds and Hurricanes… Southamptons, Cape Cods and Bay Breezes… White Russians, Red Deaths and those disgusting shots of Sex on the Beach – the ones you choked down at sorority cocktails. All of them made with vodka. And you’ve known it in all its forms, from the rotgut Banker’s Club sewage you drank in fraternity basements, to the Stoli in your Sunday morning bloodys, to the frozen Smirnoff in the Lemon Drops the paralegals suck back at happy hour.
But you’ve probably never thought about it much. Figured vodka was just a neutral spirit, a fuel more than a beverage. And that’s a shame, because vodka’s complicated – a lot more than its alcoholic proof. It’s a nuanced flavor, of course. But when you’ve drunk it enough, you know it, and you learn the good from the bad. I’ve imbibed a fair amount of vodka – enough to appreciate the difference – and when I’m in the mood for the stuff, these are the top five I choose (in order of preference):
5. Hangar One
An oddball pick to start with – vodka made in San Francisco, and yes, in an old airplane hangar. But this isn’t a novelty choice. This is premium, small batch liquor, better by a mile and half than the other top shelf grain based brands like Belvedere or Grey Goose (more on that shite later). I can’t say it’s packed full of flavor. This vodka trades more on its clarity. And that it brings the palate in spades. From the start through the last of the finish, there’s not a single offensive sensation. It’s a got a bit of a burn at the front, and it doesn’t mellow much going down, but it’s clean and sharp the whole way.
Mixer: I’m conflicted. It’s good with a handful of ice cubes, but it’s also good to mix with Red Bull. Yeah, I know… Who mixes the high end shit with an energy drink? Me. Why? Because Red Bull kills the flavor of most vodkas. You feel like you’re drinking some horrid mix of Limoncello and tonic. This is one of those rare vodkas that doesn’t disappear under the citrus and carbonation, however much of the “weekend warrior’s liquid cocaine” you pour on top of it.
Ideal for: Yourself. It’s not the easiest vodka to find. Keep this bottle hidden from guests.
4. Ketel One
I don’t think there’s any list of vodkas anywhere that doesn’t put this one near the top. And though I might be a congenital contrarian, some things are just simple fact, agreed to by everyone who matters. One of those truths is this: Ketel One is the finest grain vodka on the market. Not surprising, of course, as the family that’s been brewing this liquor’s been doing so since 1691. Still, attention must be paid. The flavor’s in perfect balance, not overly sweet or sharp, with little, if any, aftertaste. If there’s one bad thing I can say, it’s that Ketel One might be too good. The recipe’s so damned tight, the product so damned smooth, that you can almost drink it like water. If I were rating vodka based on production, on the distiller’s ability to craft a liquor that was pleasing to the broadest population of palates, this would be number one. But I’m not. I prefer a little more character, a noticeable flaw or two. And that’s why this is number four.
Mixer: Anything. Or nothing. It’s fine either way.
Ideal for: Everything. Works for interviews, PTA meetings, therapy… surgery, base jumping, NHRA Top Fuel funny car racing… Anywhere, any setting, where you just feel like cutting the edge. Scentless, painless, and with seven generations of distilling under the founding family’s belt, the kindest, most subtle of vodka buzzes. The rest might eclipse it in flavor, but Ketel’s what you want be drinking when no one can know you’ve been drinking.
Even better for: Marriage counseling, interventions.
3. Ciroc
No. Not because Diddy claims to drink it. I was a fan of this spirit way before the company gave him an equity stake to pimp it. Why? Because it’s one of the most unique vodkas you’ll ever have. Where most are made from wheat or rye, and a few here and there from potatos, Ciroc’s distilled solely from grapes. You might think that’d be a liability – that it’d offer too much flavor where a vodka’s better off leaning back. Ciroc found an ideal balance. There’s the faintest hint of grape essence, almost like a touch of grappa, layered on an ultra-crisp base. This isn’t a round or complex drink. The taste’s simple, direct and couldn’t possibly be missed – an intensely clarified, amazingly clean spirit with a touch of a bitter fruit finish.
Mixer: I like it straight. But it works well with citrus juices, which bring out the grape flavor. This is what you want to use when your girlfriend wants a Cosmopolitan.
Ideal for: If you absolutely must be there, if you’ve been dragged to one against every imaginable protest, drinking at dance clubs. Thanks to its new marketing hook, any cramped dark space pulsing with Lady Ga Ga mash-ups, flooded with strobe lights and packed with hipsters in black t-shirts and Robert Pattison haircuts will stock at least five cases of Ciroc.
Even better for: Funneling into soup-bowl sized Cosmopolitans, to flatten your girlfriend and her friends enough that they forget about going to the club, and you can take them to a tolerable bar instead.
2. Boyd & Blair
A high end vodka from outside Pittsburgh? Yes. That’s not a misprint. Still, a number two slot? Again, yes – it’s that good. There are two kinds of vodka in this world – potato vodka and everything else. And Boyd & Blair is an excellent potato vodka. It’s a bit harsh, with a bite that emphasizes the ethanol over some of the flavor. But a fine ethanol it is – the sort you’ll often get with much more expensive brands that have been distilled four or five times. Make no mistake, however, this is not a medicine-like vodka, in the vein of overdistilled stuff like XO and Imperia. B&B has a noticeable, well rounded essence hiding behind its initial punch.
Mixer: Ice. You don’t adulterate a good potato vodka. It just isn’t done.
Ideal for: Martinis. A touch of vermouth will cut B&B’s edge. But no olives. That’ll kill the delicate flavor.
1. Chopin
Among the real, honest potato vodkas, Chopin is easily the best. Crisp, smooth, with absolutely no aftertaste and just the right touch of sweetness, reminding you of its starchy, sugary base. You can buy those $50.00 super-premiums until you’re bankrupt. None will hold a candle to this vodka. The only negative I can offer is I once came across a bad batch. Didn’t even taste like Chopin. But I ran into that years ago, and I’ll assume it was a random outlier, as I haven’t bought a bad bottle since. And there’ve been more opportunities for that than I’ll ever admit out loud. Or even like to privately consider.
Mixer: Ice, minimally – barely a cube or two. Anything more is sinful.
Ideal for: Bludgeoning an expense account. Doubles can run to $20.00 in the better bars. And you won’t stop at two.
Even better for: Numbness at fancy corporate functions. You won’t find it at a Marriott, but if you’re stuck in a Four Seasons or Ritz for some conference or dinner, two of these make a conversation or presentation about “synergies” and “goal setting” pleasantly sufferable. Three might even bring you to paying attention, out of lack of energy or interest in bothering to formulate a decent daydream… “Right-o, Melvyn. The bit on the firm’s strategic planning was inspired. Brought me near to fucking tears. Churchill would’ve toasted that Powerpoint on revenue stream reallocation.”
Dishonorable Mentions:
Not because it’s the favored vodka of cul-de-sac yuppies, Wall Street date rapists and people who buy their wine by the price. And not because I drank a whole bottle of it a few years back, with God only knows how many Red Bulls, and thought I was going to die the next day. It’s just that it’s a terrible vodka. Tastes like something not made in a machine, but actually from a machine. As if some aging mechanical device had been dismantled, its parts ground to dust, mixed with water, and the resulting slurry distilled and bottled in a spirit. This is a vodka absent any soul, with nothing but a chemical essence. The only good I can say of this grossly overpriced, grossly over-rated liquor is the name was expertly chosen. “Grey” describes its every feature.
Mixer: Enough of anything to cover its taste entirely.
Ideal for: Varnish removal.
Even better for: Re-gifting to arseholes who’ll think it’s flattering.
If it were possible for alcohol to sour like milk, this is what rotten vodka would taste like. A mix of sugary and bitter at the front, with a pungent aftertaste of mold. The ultimate triumph of marketing over quality. A nifty bottle, a brilliant ad campaign and an utterly undrinkable product.
Mixer: Whatever chemical you’re using to poison the recipient of the drink.
Ideal for: Serving to detested guests.
Even better for: Powering your riding mower.
Proving two great tastes don’t always taste great together. Everyone loves stimulants. Everyone loves alcohol. And everyone loves them together. Whiskey and blow, champagne and ecstasy, single malts and crystal meth… It’s a goddamned American tradition. So why not put them in the same bottle? Infuse a vodka with liquid caffeine? Perhaps because the resulting product tastes like fucking Windex. I was conflicted about even discussing Pink here, as I’m not sure it qualifies for human consumption, let alone as liquor worth reviewing. “Vile” is a generous description. I’ve injested bong water with better character.
Mixer: Soap shavings and oil. Makes a decent Molotov Cocktail.
Ideal for: Feeding to 17 year old girls who think it’s chic.
Even better for: Staying alert, yet calm, through your Mann Act trial.
Any thoughts on the Polish vodkas? I was thinking specifically about Luksosowa, I’ve heard good things about it.
Oh, and pedantry ahead, Boyd & Blair is ideal for vodka martinis, not martinis. But you knew that.
As our brethren in the hip-hop community would say, stay up.
PL: Chopin’s Polish. On the martini thing, excellent call. Problem is, the sentence’ll read shitty if I use the proper qualification.
I’ve always been of the opinion that the Goose was for idiots who fall for marketing campaigns, the same way that Patron has become the drink of choice when doing tequilla shots. It’s hard to drink that swill when you have basically a Mexican bootlegger pour shot after shot out of two Sunny D bottles until you forget that you are supposed to be 21 and get kicked out of the bar. Oh, right, vodka. Because vodka has become the drink of choice, there are so many bad ones out there that it’s sickening and they all seem to have a huge advertising budget. It’s really sad that a lot of the vodkas you mentioned (except for the micro distilled, all my favorites as well) go unnoticed and unstocked at most bars. I suppose that if everyone drank them however, they would be as special and as well made as they are. Ahhhh the wiles of fate…
PL: The one I’m afraid may disappear is B&B. That’s getting harder and harder to find.
That may be the best description of that nefariously advertised rotgut of a vodka called Grey Goose I’ve ever seen. Excellent work and I’ll be sure to pick up some Chopin for the weekend as well.
PL: Thanks. Let me know what you think. I’m all about creating potato vodka converts.
Nice work. One correction, Hangar One is made in the island city of Alameda, a great salt-of-the-earth locale and buffer between the somewhat pretentious SF and the slightly too real Oakland.
PL: Long, long time, no speak… Hope all is well in your part of the world.
Correction noted. However, for us non-left coasters, it’s a horseshoes and hand grenades sort of thing.
What’s with the British twang? “Shite,” “Arseholes”? You’ve been spending time overseas?
PL: Just sort of happened.
I always thought of Vodka as more of a tool than something to enjoy. That is probably a result of only consuming the worst brands on your list. I’m at my desk rethinking my position and trying to decide which one of these to buy for the weekend.
Any chance you will have a list of your favorite beers (or did I miss it)? I am curious to read your thoughts on that subject.
As always, I thoroughly enjoy your work. Keep it up.
PL: the beer thing is tough because there are so many brands. I’m probably going to do one on Russian Imperial Stouts and Imperial IPAs. That should narrow down the focus enough to keep it under 1500 words. Trying a general type like Pale Ales of Porters would require more bandwidth than I’ve purchased.
Excellent choices. Much respect for selecting Ciroc, I’ve been drinking it by the bottle at any bar I find it.
PL: It’s the most unique of the bunch. I love that stuff.
Got any advice for those who would like to drink vodka like a socialite but are subject to a stiflingly low budget? Unfortunately, as much as we’d prefer otherwise, college students such as myself don’t find themselves in the market for Chopin these days. Any advice/assistance would be soundly appreciated.
PL: Go with Ketel One. It’s a little over $20 a bottle in some stores on the East Coast. And the difference between it and most of the stuff you can get for $18 is substantial. There’s another decent cheap one called Blavod, which is literally a black vodka. Costs @$20 in these parts. Decent for mixing or drinking in frozen shots.
Great post. I haven’t tried anything besides Ketel One or Ciroc, but with your placement of the two, I know you’re 100% accurate with the others. P. Diddy did indeed convince me to buy Ciroc for New Years Eve and 45% of the bottle later I was having a great time.
Also, this hasn’t popped up yet but there is a Vodka doing select market launches called Krome Vodka. Not paying much attention to the marketing, I tasted it both in a mix, and naked. Extremely smooth vodka, could be water for all I know, but had a great finish. I didn’t get much detail on it because I was talking to the brand team that was giving it out for free. Two of the hottest cougars ever, one of them showed a bartender her tits just so he would serve it to more customers. Great tits too, that’s dedication to a Vodka pal.
PL: Never heard of it, but if there’s a promotion, I’m going to that bar.
Great writeup.
The only Vodka’s I’ve heard of here are the dishonorable mentions.. the others probably exist down here in Australia, I just never spend much time looking at the Vodka aisle (not after that massive post-binge chunder which ruptured a blood vessel in my eye giving me a massive red blot in my eyeball for 2 weeks.)
PL: Thanks. Ease into it with Ketel. Trust me. It’s smooth on the system and, at least here in the states, provides the best bag for the buck. It’s actually come down in price here over the past few years. Why I’ve no idea.
So glad this was posted. I fucking hate vodka, this may change however for I have not dabbled in these products you speak of. Except Greygoose and Absolut, they’re shit. Whenever I get tired of Gin I move over to a bottle of Rum (El Dorado, the 25 year is incredibly smooth or Sailor Jersey) or Vodka (Stoli) but obviously Stoli doesn’t cut it. I regret the decision as soon as I’m drowning the damn thing with mix after leaving it the freezer for an hour. In the end, I just end up chugging it anyway (for getting past point B [taste] it works well) because the mix’s sugar always leaves me a terrible hang over.
Since I’m up in the land of Igloo’s and whale blubber I did a quick LCBO search for the products and unfortunately only Ketel One and Chopin are offered. Seriously considering sending my friend in Whistler down to the states to pick something up and then ship it East.
PL: Well, at least you get two of the best. Drink two Chopins on minimal ice, then shift to Ketel. It’s all you need.
I actually still like Stoli. But there are a lot of sentimental bases for that. It was a go-to drink for a long time. Many fond memories. I still have a bottle in the freezer right now. If people visit and want cold vodka drinks, that’s what they get.
Have you tried Tito’s Handmade? It’s better than any premium I’ve tried, and it’s under $20 a bottle around here.
PL: Yes. Unfortunately, it was given to me with tonic. I should go back and try it straight. Highly recommended by many people.
You’ve put your finger exactly on what I struggled with when it comes to Grey Goose. I thoroughly enjoy your work, PL. Keep it up!
PL: It was ubiquitous a few years back and I kept drinking it and kept thinking, “WTF is with the taste of this shit?” I tolerated the stuff because my parents drink it, but I never understood why it was considered a high end vodka. It’s just not good. The flavor sucks.
http://www.russianstandard.com/
Purchase a bottle of this from your local liquor store and you will rate it #1. Its the best selling vodka in Russia. That should tell you something. I’ve been importing it for years but now it is sold in the US.
PL: I’ve seen it, but haven’t had it. Well, that I can recall…
Honestly, these liquor genre rankings are priceless. Please, more – I’m begging you.
PL: Next will be scotch, or beer. Can’t decide yet.
You had me worried that Chopin wouldn’t make the cut… kudos on a countdown list with some meat to it. I enjoyed this piece as much as anything on http://www.thewreckoning.net, and if you’re not familiar with that website i mean that as a high complement.
For a walk on the wild side try some Zubrowka. There’s nothing clean or crisp about it and you’d be missing the point by drinking it straight – mix 1:1 with juice, preferably apple. It’s flavored with Polish bison grass which apparently contains coumarin (precursor to anticoagulants) making it illegal to import to the states; however, I’m willing to bet your local post communist deli has a few bottles stashed away under the counter. Pronounced “shoo-BREW-vka”
PL: We ought to let that into the country. Save money people spend on Coumadin and probably knock down a lot of heart disease. I’m familiar with Wreckoning, and that is a hell of compliment. He’s excellent.
Interesting post about a liquor I can no longer digest. Can the world expect a lengthy adventure into rum soon?
PL: I don’t have enough experience with the stuff. I like it, but it’s all the same to me.
With regard to Grey Goose, I think you just don’t like the thought of doing something that everyone else does. Grey Goose is very clean; not sure what you mean by “soul.” And I’m not just being contrarian-I agree about Absolut: Not the worst vodka by far, but the worst to enjoy such popularity.
Stoli Elit is the best vodka most of us are likely to have the opportunity to drink. Rated number two in the world a couple years back (I never even saw number one-XO), it’s so smooth you could feed it to a six-year old.
PL: Everyone loves Ketel, and so do I. I also dislike Belvedere, which tastes a lot like Grey Goose, only without some of the nasty metallic flavor. By “soul” I mean the flavor you get with something like Chopin. It has a distinct taste. Grey Goose tastes like solvent. It’s shit compared to the ones I’ve cited.
Stoli Elit (that’s the $40 bottle w/the strange top, right?) is like Ultima. An extra $10-20 for something a shade below Chopin. That something’s rated #2 in the world doesn’t mean it’s objectively #2. Means some magazine named it #2. Same way I named Grey Goose garbage. And the only thing worse than it is its vanilla variant. Where Stoli Vanilla is excellent, Grey Goose Vanilla doesn’t even taste like vanilla. They somehow managed to get the bitter, nasty essence of the bean, rather than the sweet, pleasant side.
PL- your tastes are laudable. Based on your recommendation, I’ll swallow my disgust at anything endorsed by a rapper and give Ciroc a second try.
Interesting re: the B&B call out. While it’s certainly unique, it would never go on a top 5, let alone 10 list of mine.
100% agree with Chopin. If that’s your cup of tea, I suggest proper Polish Zybrovka (not the crap sold to tourists with the blade of grass, but the stuff drunk by Poles). It is the most amazing potato vodka on the planet.
And thank you for calling Grey Goose out for the shite that it is.
PL: Happy to do so. GG is pure marketing. Deserves a $19 price point.
Marketing is a powerful force. An ex once told me “I was out at a club last night til 6 and have NO hangover today. I’m only drinking top shelf liquor from now on.” When I asked what she’d been drinking, she responded “Absolut.” I just stared at her, and contemplated what kind of a reflection it was on me that she had such terrible taste.
I rarely touch vodka when there’s something else around. I stick to whiskey, beer, and red wine (in france) 90% of the time, and opt for Rum, Tequilla shots, and recently Gin and tonic when I don’t feel like listening to “you drink whiskey? my DAD drinks whiskey.” That said, I drink often enough that there might be an undiscovered role for vodka in my life. You’ve talked about vodka as liquid perkocet, but anything can make you numb when imbibed quickly enough (except bourbon). What in particular draws you to vodka? How often do you find yourself drinking it relative to other spirits?
PL: Marketing is at once the most insidiously destructive and economically constructive force in our society. It’s absolutely necessary and absolutely appalling, man’s greatest creative skill sets applied toward the most malevolent of ends. I do it in a business setting and feel dirty afterward. It’s almost instinctual. The voice changes, the pitch changes. I start caring about what the other businessperson is saying. Sometimes I actually wind up interested. And then I walk out and veil falls and it all comes back to, “Did I get the maximum value out of that discussion?” The only time it ever feels good is when I’m using the dead honest approach – when I tell someone exactly what’s going to happen and what it’s going to cost them because they seem to be the honest, rational sort who can handle it. But that’s not marketing, really… That’s being honest.
Vodka’s my default drink in mixed company I can’t be sure about. People who don’t drink for real aren’t surprised by it and the buzz is subtle. Like I said, I’ve drunk more of it than I’d ever want to guess.
I also like Chopin on the rocks just to sip. Wednesday night drink. Goes great with white fish or scallops.
Ciroc also makes excellent jello shots.
I don’t drink vodka with any gusto or regularity as I morph into a raging viking destroyer on the stuff. The list is helpful since all the lady folk we know are now sipping vodka with water or a splash of (insert diet soda, juice, etc mixer here) in an attempt to be fit and 7 times out of 10 they “don’t like it” and leave a 3/4 drink on the bar.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who is appalled by how bad Grey Goose really is. I thought I was alone.
PL: That seems to me a terrible waste of excellent vodka. But hey… however you like it.
Those ladies need to grow a pair. Figuratively, of course. Most of the chicks I know have been swilling the stuff like water since college. My wife was actually cut off in Philly once by some old hag waitress who didn’t have the courtesy to mind her own business. She said she’d had too many Cosmopolitans. Can you imagine that? I paid the check and left, but I had half a mind to have words with a manager. That’s a bartender’s call, not a waitress’s. And it’s not like my wife was even doing anything inappropriate. The waitress simply added up what she’d ordered and decided, arbitrarily, that she’d had enough.
Good call on potato vodkas – Chopin is most definitely the best. The make a small-batch potato vodka down the street from me in Richmond called Cirrus. It has a lot of character and is perfect with a couple ice cubes. Dont know how far it is distributed, but it is absolutely a steal for $23 a bottle.
PL: That is a good price. Chopin’s going for $33 up here. Been climbing even through the recession. On the good side, Bombay Sapphire and Hendrick’s Gin are down to $25 and $28, respectively, from $30 and $31.
Not that it makes a difference. I’ll pay whatever they demand. I’ll scrimp on anything, but not food or liquor. I’d rather die than downgrade either.
My wife swears by Pink Vodka. I vowed never touched the stuff; too many bad memories of plastic bottles of Popov and really bad hangovers.
I can’t wait for your list on Scotch. Will you stick with blended or include some single malts?
PL: I don’t know… I’m told my tastes remain quite pedestrian in that arena, as I favor blends. That’s going to be tricky. I’ll go with the beer post first, I think.
How does shite even sound in an American accent?
PL: If an American is speaking as he should, meaning sans local accent, exactly as it would sound coming from a properly spoken Englishman.
Hey PL,
Did I offend you in some way? Did you like the Gin I sent?
PL: Fuck no. How on earth would you offend me? Did I miss something? I’ve got like ten emails going at once these days. Apologies if I did. In fact, I have to email you about a piece involving cars I want to do next month. A round table thing. I’ll email you that.
And yes. I was supposed to do a follow up piece on various liquors I’ve had since the bourbon and Gin pieces, but haven’t gotten the thing up yet due to the Rudius switch.
Thanks for the list – great writing as always. I’m curious as to the Stoli comments. I traveled to the Soviet Union (while it was still that) during HS and upon my return found that was the only thing that came close to what they had in the USSR (mind you, this was the late 80’s). During my college years it was my favorite (especially a nice bottle of Crystal out of the freezer). Later in college, I became fully and completely addicted to bourbon (and still am – if you haven’t tried Paddy Van Winkle, you REALLY need to) and have let go of much of my vodka knowledge. I still drink Stoli, and because my wife likes it, we keep GG in the house as well (I avoid it completely unless mixed with Red Bull). My interest in re-energized by your post – especially re the potato vodkas, and I will be picking up a couple to complete the bar I am working on right now in my basement. Still wondering why the (seeming) negative remarks re Stoli. Thanks and keep up the great work.
PL: I have no issue with Stoli. It’s just that when you have something like Chopin lying around, Stoli’s charms fade. And at a price point identical to something as superior as Ketel One, it’s hard to make the case for Stoli.
PL: Another enlightening post. Your earlier gin piece had me rethinking my stance on that particular alcohol. Now I am going to have to do the same for vodka.
PL: The clear stuff is a friend. Get to know it early.
Thirteen of us drank three of those costco sized bottles of K-1 with a case of Rockstar last Saturday afternoon… Yes, we consumed other things, but the brainshattering headache and the stench of vomit that laid in the house and driveway like a green fog must surely have been attributed to that alcoholic’s equivalent of sidestepping the clutch at 5,800 rpms… BOOM!
Who knew you could have a hangover so bad that on Monday, you had an entirely different kind of hangover solely attributable to the hangover of the day before. Turns out that ice cubes in a tumbler full of bourbon WON’T provide you with sufficient hydration…
Or maybe it was the meth. PIZZA! PIZZA!
PL: Monday’s always worse than Sunday. Done right, a good drunk’s toxins persist for the next day, leaving you with the teeth-chattering shakes around 8:00 Monday morning.
There is only one real option: Xanax. Well, unless somebody can bake the Christ out of you all day and night Sunday.
No Worries. I look forward to it. We’re good. I enjoy your work. Keep it up, keep it right up.
PL: Got it. What on the car thing?
Oh, by the way, what’s with the million dollar a bottle vodka you get when you buy the Russian Hummer with the Whale Penis interior? PIZZA! PIZZA!
PL: Res ipsa… http://jalopnik.com/5380680/15m-russian-suv-features-diamonds-whale-penis-leather
That country’s lost its mind. In a good, we’re-nuts-and-don’t-care-and-will-probably-kill-anyone-who-bitches-about-it sort of way.
As far as the next Top 5 being scotch or beer, I’d go with beer. But, if I may, I ask that you do a U.S. Top 5 and an Import Top 5, with perhaps a small overall to finish. One, because I enjoy your writing and the more the merrier, and, two, there’s just so god damn many of them that I think it’d make more sense.
PL: I’ll have to figure out how to do it as it comes, but the suggestion’s registered. Thanks.
Nice list. Ever thought of launching something akin to BeerAdvocate with a liquor focus? It would kill. Never tried Chopin, and have heard pretty inconsistent things about it, but a No. 1 rank from the man that introduced me to Hendrick’s won’t go ignored.
PL: Among vodkas, it’s better than Hendricks is among Gins.
I love these booze posts. Keep them coming. They are very useful in picking out new things to try. I was a bit reluctant to pay $45 US for a 750 ml bottle of Hendricks Gin, but I finally found one, and it was so worth the cash. Thanks. And not related, but I got your book for my birthday, and it was awesome, especially ‘The Costanza Method’.
PL: Thanks. The Hendricks is the shit. Strange, but incredibly tasty. As to Costanza, Thanks. I’m fond of the opening paragraph w/the mangled Dylan Thomas reference myself. That was one of those things that just flowed right off the fingers. I rarely get so lucky. Nor have I been so lucky as to have some offer me a bonus like that since.
Beautiful piece on vodka. I appreciate anybody who knows well enough to keep the grain vodkas at the bottom of a given list, and Chopin is an excellent choice for number one.
With respect to Luksosowa (somebody above mentioned it) it’s jet fuel, but it’s delicious jet fuel. Cheaper than Chopin, too, it’s my go to when I have no money (read: always) and want vodka.
PL: The grains provide a thin, weaker flavor. I don’t know how anyone could prefer them.
Oh! Almost forgot, there’s bottles of Woodford Reserve being sold for twenty dollars even Canuckistani moneys. I’m stockpiling while I can.
PL: Good man. That’s an obscene price for that whiskey.
Half a bottle of Chopin later, I think you’ve made a spectacular recommendation. Successful conversion.
PL: It’s the Jesus Juice of vodkas.
For all the times you mention Stoli in your stories, I thought it would be on the list. I agree with you about Grey Goose, by the way.
What do you think about SKYY vodka? It’s one of my favorite ones.
PL: Skyy’s a good vodka. But once you get into the Ketel One-and-up crowd of vodkas, Skyy and Stoli are a bit lacking. As I said, I still have Stoli in the house. It’s just not my go-to vodka anymore. Would I turn it down at a party? Hell no. I’ll drink it above Belvedere and Grey Goose any day. My list here, however, was only five deep.
Ha, reading some of these prices actually makes me kind of glad for NH’s liquor store policy. A bottle of Chopin here in the Granite State goes for $26 a bottle.
I’m not much of a vodka drinker myself- I really only buy it for those nights when I have no desire to appear even remotely under control. I toss back most liquors fast enough as it is, but vodka goes down like water. If I want some measure of sanity at the end of a night, I have to drink something else.
By the way, did you ever try some orange bitters with your gin? Just curious- the more people try them and like them, the easier it will be to find them at bars.
PL: No. Haven’t had a chance. I think the opposite, by the way. Gin gives me a funny buzz. Vodka straight out anesthetizes me.
Great list, great post, again. Very informative and I commend you for admitting to the RedBull mixer, that took guts considering the pretension and snobbery that revolves around fancy-pants liquor and beer crowd.
Fleischman’s and Mt. Dew is something that I just cant rid myself of, but GreyGoose is something that you should never do to yourself.
PL: There’s no liquor that doesn’t go better with a side car of Red Bull. It’s fuel. Makes the ride better. Vodka merely allows you to kill two birds with one stone pleasantly.
Don says:
November 20, 2009 at 7:35 pm
No Worries. I look forward to it. We’re good. I enjoy your work. Keep it up, keep it right up.
PL: Got it. What on the car thing?
Don Says:
I’m into it. I just resent the email.
PL: Got it. Working on setting it up (putting together questions, etc.).
awesome, i forwarded this to my roommate in the attempt to validate my preference of chopin.
but he swears by a vodka called effin, which i’ve never had. seeing as how i’m on a beer binge at the moment, i was hoping to hear your opinion on it.
PL: Swedish, I think. Has an odd rubber band around the bottle. I’ve had it, but can’t recall. If it didn’t make this list, though, I didn’t think it was exceptional. Or I was too damned drunk to have considered it fairly.
I’ve never really been able to stomach vodka – always came across as too much like rubbing alcohol for me. Then again, the last time I tried some was three years ago, before I developed a taste for hard liquor, and only tried Stoli and Iceberg.
I checked the local state-run liquor consortium website and Ketel One goes for $40, which is $10 more than it used to be. Tragic. I will have to give the good stuff a try at least once, though.
PL: That must be the 1.75 liter bottle. The standard fifth is $23.
Coincidentally I bought some Chopin for my mom for her birthday back in May. Many online reviews said it was one of the best vodkas in the world. Conveniently she did not finish the bottle, she is not a big drinker and there is a good half a liter in our freezer right now. Looks like Thanksgiving break at home just got a little better.
PL: It wouldn’t be the holidays without a numbing agent to make it tolerable.
I just finished a bottle of Luksosowa last night. Good stuff, and it said it was 100% Potato Spirits. One of the posts above seemed to say it was grain vodka.
Again, being from the northwest, I tend to like Crater Lake and Dry Fly. Any opinion on those?
PL: Sorry. Haven’t had them.
I’ve had Ketel-One and found it to be too bitter. The thing I like about SKYY is how smooth it is and how close it tastes to water. I like my alcohol to be as tasteless as possible.
PL: You should try Everclear. Once you get past the burn, it’s all punch and zero flavor. Just be careful not to go blind.
You cheap, drug-addled hack. Everyone knows that the only vodka to drink is bourbon. Or maybe a nice rocks glass full of Black Bush.
Vodka. Who drinks vodka? Communists and Tri-Delts, and although we may have a dalliance with one or the other in college, you and I both know that neither Karl nor Amber is really the answer to life’s problems.
PL: I’ve enjoyed the Black Bush with Tri-Delts. But it always involved vodka. And so much so I’ve had more than a “dalliance” with a few. Good women, and not the kind deserving your backhanded double-entendres.
Hello Philadelphia Lawyer-
I’m more of a Bourbon guy, and I’m undoubtedly violating the basic etiquette of blog sites (and general dignity) by writing to you here, but fuck it, I’m desperate. Literally just finished your book, and was especially moved by your last chapter. I’m currently studying for the LSAT (test date December 5). I want to be a lawyer because I want to be a positive force in my community. I’m serious. Be a social worker, you say? Coach retarded destitute East Asian amputees? Yeah, that’s essentially my question.
Writing is the best thing I’ve ever done-most fun, most fulfilling, etc. (apologies to my wife and children) but I’m scared as hell to try it for a living because, well, because of my wife and children. I’d be honored if you check out some of my articles on biteclub.com (not my site, don’t even know the people behind it). My style is not unlike yours, and my focus is my experience as a bartender, which is what gave the balls to respond to your post.
Thanks.
PL: I’ll be dead fucking honest – it’s not a way to support a family. As an agent told me about it, “I advise most of my authors to hold on to a day job.” But the lack of $$$ won’t stop you from doing it. People write for reasons that have nothing to do with the rational thinking or logic. If you’re bent in that direction, the urge will haunt you for the rest of your life. And it will drive you nuts because in every situation you will have moments where you will absorb too much, and see shit as though you were a reporter doing a story, as opposed to an actor living the situation out. Once can become very disconnected writing too much.
I’ll take a look at your site.
Whoops! Wrote under the handle “Milholm.” Christ, I’m a complete moron.
PL: Milhouse is preferable. One of the best Simpsons episodes is the one where Milhouse’s folks get divorced. Classic.
Ahhh! Vodka! The first “real” hard alcohol I’ve ever drank (am sure just like every other American teen). The source of so many good times, bad times and “interesting” experiences. But never a dull moment with that clear nectar. There are so many memories I clearly remember, vaguely remember and most, none at all.
This is one liquor I can quaff to my heart’s content on a weeknight not having to worry too much about dealing with a catastrophic hangover next day (mostly). Drink it straight, drink it mixed but you will always enjoy it.
I am no connoisseur but I prefer Stoli, Russian Standard and good ol’ Smirnoff. I am a cheap bastard when buying booze. I am perfectly satisfied with the average to above average stuff. But then again, I am a poor 26yr old college grad with a ton of debt. Maybe when I cross 30 and start selling my soul to devil for wads of cash.
p.s: I see that you’ve referenced Jalopnik in one of the posts. Are you a regular reader/ commentator there?
Pl: Not an avid reader. But I do frequent it here and there. Rosie Palmer is more of a regular reader.
I had a roommate in college who was a bartender, who claimed that he filled empty goose bottles back up with about 9/10 aristocrat and 1/10 water, and that no one suspected or ever called him out on it.
(even if he was a compulsive liar, and I never personally tried the mix, I have a feeling it was the truth)
PL: A light punishment. If you can get Ketel and order GG, you ought to be served something with a urinal puck in it.