Below is an excerpt from the “The Five Worst Profanities, Insults and Slurs” (as in “least effective”). Res ipsa loquitur.
3. Cocksucker. This one’s rank illogic, an utter lack of facility with the simplest binary algebra. If X = Y, and Y = Z, and no other conditions are offered, then X = Z as well. You wouldn’t use “Mom” as an insult. And yet your mom is a cocksucker. Don’t bristle. This is all just technical stuff… Science. And if we really have to get technical, so is your sister, your aunt, your grandmother (if she’s alive), your kindergarten teacher, your nanny, and that 14-year-old cousin about whom you’ve had those really uncomfortable dreams (the one who shows no recognition of gravity in that tartan private school skirt), etc…
Anyhow, back to the formula… If mom’s a cocksucker and “cocksucker’s” an insult, then “mom” is an insult as well. Or, conversely, “cocksucker” is no more an insult than “mom.” I wouldn’t recommend calling mom a cocksucker or deriding a nemesis with “mom,” but putting aside the colloquial bastardizations of the terms barring those interchangeable uses, one would have to admit, logically, there isn’t a whole lot of sense in insulting anyone with “cocksucker.”
A long time fan of wordsmiths from Carlin to W.F. Buckley to William Safire, I quite enjoyed doing this little piece. Read the rest here.
And while you’re at it, read the rest of Brobible. Highly entertaining, and exceptionally well written, delivered and edited.
Long time reader of your work. I actually gave your book to a girl I had a crush on. She read it, and we ended up having a lot of fun. Thanks for the post at Brobible, hopefully some of kiddies come here to read the REAL good stuff.
How did “academic” not make the list?
No one calls a woman a cocksucker though. In my mind it’s pretty much the equivalent of ‘fag’.
Nevermind. Disregard my previouscomment, just read the whole thing on the brobible page
I’ve never really got douchebag. Granted I’m no expert in the vinegar and baking soda arts but do women who douche actually have a bag dedicated to the process?
What are your thoughts on fuckwit and fucknuts. I’ve never been a fan of the latter, but I thought Rahm Emanuel was spot on when he called D.C. “Fucknutsville.”
Philalawyer…c’mon. I commented on your last post about the lack of look-back, good ol days material. You responded that writing about that stuff is not on the top of your priority list. That you would rather rant about political matters, what’s wrong with the world, etc. Hey, if that’s what interets you most…go for it. However, how do you back this claim? By posting about the 5 worst profanities you can use lol. Are you out of material? Have you sold out to other web-sites, writing under thier guidelines? What is going on here? I’m one of your biggest fans. I have recommended your site and your book to more people then I can count. I have been an avid reader for year. Please tell me there’s another book on the way and your holding material for it. Please…
You are truly the writer of our time. Self aware enough to comment. Self absorbed enough to think it matters.